Restart the romantic spark.
While erectile dysfunction medication and lubricants can help overcome some of the physical barriers to sex, older couples need to work together to correct an out-of-sync love life.
"There are many strategies that can help get intimacy back in rhythm," says Dr. Bober. "But it's like a recipe with multiple ingredients. They work best together."
Here are some of her suggestions:
Restart the romance spark. A satisfying sex life begins outside the bedroom. "Don't think of your partner as a roommate, but someone you want to bond with," says Dr. Bober. Try something new together like a hobby or take a class or overnight trip. "Think about how you would woo your partner if you were dating for the first time," says Dr. Bober.
Plan for intimacy. If motivation is a barrier, set up a sex date. Sometimes you need to make sex happen to get back in the rhythm, similar to scheduling workouts with a trainer. "This way neither partner needs to feel pressured to initiate, but rather together you can plan for and anticipate some romance with each other," says Dr. Bober.
Find the best time. Energy levels vary throughout the day and night and per person. "Some people like morning romance, and others enjoy it in the evening," says Dr. Bober. "Couples need to communicate with each other about what time of day is best and try to find a compromise."
Don't rush it. Arousal is not as spontaneous as you age. "Put more effort into anticipation and the overall experience of giving and receiving pleasure, which gives both people time for proper arousal and avoids the stress of having to get in the mood quickly," says Dr. Bober.
Also, make foreplay central to sex. Spend more time hugging, kissing, and exploring each other's bodies. "Bring back the actions that you found exciting when dating," says Dr. Bober.
Build from desires. Before and during sex, ask your partner what feels good and what sparks interest. And then share what you like.
"This is a way to build mutual trust," says Dr. Bober. Besides the physical aspect, desires also could include actions like reading something erotic to each other or watching a sexy movie.
Dr. Bober adds that what really counts is for couples to come together and focus on mutual pleasure.
"For any couple, the key to enhancing desire is communication and connection," she says. "A little more of both is often great for boosting your sex life."
